Hope deferred

It’s the Sunday before I go back into the office for a full day. It will be the first time Ive been away from Em since she was born. Im so sad, but I have two weeks until she starts daycare. Maybe NOW they will see how I should be working from home or possibly they will see that Im not needed and should be let go with a package. I am on the verge of tears all day.

Sunday night. I do not feel right. Im pretty sure Im going to be sick. Could the timing be worse. My first day back at the office and Im sick!

Monday morning. I kiss my baby and husband goodbye through tears and drive to work. I feel really awful. .

I get to work, sit down and put my head on the desk. I am not going to make it. I tell my colleague that I gotta go. Shoot an email to my boss and race to the car.

I get about 2 blocks away and I have to pull over. I get so sick. It was awful. It immediately reminded me of my morning sickness. I did not miss that. I get home and end up puking for the next two days.

I don’t know if it was a stomach bug or food poisoning but it was awful. On the plus side, I lost that last bit of pregnancy weight.

Husband said that I got so sick because I was so sad about going back to work. He said “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”. My heart was sick, but not my stomach. I thought I had a better control over my subconscious than that. Looking back however, I think he was right. Nobody else caught my “bug” (maybe Em did, but that’s another story) and I didn’t have any other symptoms of food poisoning.

Wednesday, I finally go back to work. Tomorrow is a big company meeting. Maybe they will discuss how the company is doing terrible and Ill get let go with a severance package and get to be with my baby.

Thursday. Nope. Company is fine. Back to work as usual.

Emily has to go to daycare in one week. Im heart broken. This wasn’t the way it was so supposed to happen.