Guilt Cycle

Do you ever get sucked into guilt cycle?

A couple of weeks ago I was feeling pretty bummed out.

Its really easy for me to get my hopes up and in return its really easy to for me to crash and get very disappointed.

I’ve been praying that God open and close doors. He closed 2 doors that I was getting really excited about.

I had to mourn those closed doors. But in addition to mourning the loss of those opportunities, I got stuck in this whirlpool of negativity.

I was sad that I wasn’t getting what I had been hoping.

I was getting even sadder as it seemed that ANYTHING I’ve been hoping for would NEVER happen.

Then I was feeling guilty for being sad and disappointed.

Thoughts kept creeping into my head that I am being ungrateful.

“This is what I asked for.”

“How can I be so selfish, when there are earthquakes, wars and other horrible conditions all over the world? “

When I start to complain in my mind, the words “You aren’t a woman living in The Congo”.  I know, kinda random, but whats happening in The Congo really upsets me.

Then I get stuck in feeling bad for myself, then feeling bad for feeling bad, and then feeling bad some more.

And it just cycles.

How do I stop it?

Well, I checked my motives.

Why do I want what I want?

Some of it was because I don’t want people to think they are better than me.

They have a bigger house.

They decorate better than me.

They have better clothes.

They have more freedom.

They will judge me and my choices.

I realized that I am comparing myself to others and assuming they are doing the same with me.

That is VERY exhausting.

But I realized I was doing it.

After a few days or so I also realized that everybody is going through SOMETHING. Nobody has it all together in every area of their lives.

I think that God is working on something in every single persons life. Every single person is struggling with something.

I also think that my life is NEVER going to be perfect.

Ever.

There is always going to be SOMETHING that I'm working through.

It kinda made me feel better.

I am working through something.

With God.

And that is the way it is supposed to be.

As long as its not the same something for years and years and years and the lesson is never learned. That truly would be exhausting.

So everyday I have to say to myself,

“This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.”

Along with my many, many, many other prayers. J