If Im really honest...

Continued from previous. 

My Brown Baby article

I meant to continue this thought earlier but being the domestic goddess that I am, life got in the way...

Our vacuum broke this week, this is the second vacuum in 6 years that has broken due to my lovely Kim Kardashian locks…seriously, it might be time to shave my head.  

So Im Racially Ambigous.

I kinda always felt that my ambiguity would protect me from any negative vibes people might put out there because I was hanging with the opposite-of-my-race crowd.

So I looked back through the years of my many groups of friends from my many travels and I realized something…

When I lived on military bases, I had friends of all races. When I moved back to civilian life and entered high school, my inter-racial companions were almost non-existent.

It wasn’t so much that I chose  to hang out with only white girls…it was more that I was VERY shy and I would be friends with whomever chose me. And white girls chose me.  

So during my entire high school career I had one black friend.

Why do I bring this up…

Well after reading the article posted above it got me thinking about expectations that I have for Emily, and what I imagined for her.

I imagined her racial ambiguity would be a good thing and that she will be free to hang out with whomever she chose without being called an ugly name.

But then I got REALLY honest with myself. Please don’t judge too harshly.

I was surprised with how dark she was when she was born. I thought she would look more like me. (The jury is still out on who she looks like more, I say her father.)

Then, when I imagined her bringing girlfriends home, I imagined white girls! I didn’t realize that this is what I was ASSUMING would happen. Now that I dug a little deeper, and saw what that I was indeed making assumptions, I realized that Em might come home with mostly black girls! This never occurred to me before, but it has now. And I am glad for it.

If she chooses to identify herself more as Black or African-American or even Ghanian, rather than Mixed, or Inter-Racial (I never imagined her saying White), then I am okay with that. I don’t think I will feel left out or that she is abandoning her heritage. I don’t have any “white” heritage to carry down anyway.  I WANT her to know all about her Ghanian heritage and I know her family wants that for her too. In the end, her identity will be her choice. What I want most for my daughter is for her to feel loved and to be loving. To be confident and feel that she can do anything as long as she has Christ with her.

Sooooo, What are you?

This is a good article…My Brown Baby

It is not something I had to “deal” with yet because Em is only 8 months old.

Husband is from West Africa and I’m...well...American…LOL

I say it like that because I grew up all over this country.

Because of my complexion I’ve been asked, “What are you?” since I was in the 5^th grade.

I remember the first time somebody asked me.

We were living in Hawaii and I was on the school playground during recess. One of the girls asked me,

“What’s your nationality?”

I didn’t understand the question.

I didn’t know how to answer. 

I think I said something like, “American” or “I don’t know.”

In Hawaii, most people are very proud of their heritage or nationality.

I remember girls saying, “I’m Filipino.” “I'm Samoan” “I’m Japanese” or “I’m from the Big Island”

Well, between then, 1989, and 2011 I’ve been asked that question about 100 billion times.

Maybe it is me, but I can’t help but think that people are a little disappointed when I tell them “I’m Caucasian”.

I’m sure its just me. 

Maybe I’m disappointed that I’m “just white.”

So I spin it a little and say, “I’m a white girl with brown skin” 

People seem to get a kick out of that.

It is funny. I can almost ALWAYS tell when someone is about to ask me…ALMOST.

They look at me…sort of sideways, but almost always with a smile but usually a little nervous. Like they are afraid of what I might tell them.

“Soooooo, I know it’s a weird question, buuuttttt, what are you?’

“WHAT, HOW DARE YOU ASK ME THAT!!!!!! YOU ARE SO RACIST!”

LOLOLOL

Nah. I just say what I always say…”Oh I get asked that a lot, I’m just a white girl with brown skin”

 I think Em is headed down the same road.

To be continued…

Thoughts?